Resident of the Week
Sunday, July 11th, 2010
Futch Fall is the M2's resident of the week.
OCCUPATION IN SL: Escort, Model, Accountant, Pole Dancer, Host, Shift Manager, Fluffer, and the Creator of excellent money-pit scams like modeling classes, fee-based cartoon dating services, and those cartoon bunnies that you can breed (for which you need to constantly buy my cartoon food and water to keep them alive). I'm laughing all the way to the bank, people.
DATE JOINED SL: Jan. 13, 2008
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT BEING A RESIDENT OF SL? It allows me to relive some semblance of my glory days. In RL, I'm aging, balding, woefully out of shape, former front man for the 80s powerhouse Van Halen: David Lee Roth. I've been housebound since I was prepping for a reunion tour and tried one of my patented ariel splits and landed badly. Doctors said my groin looked like coils of broken spaghetti and that nothing was going to fix it. So I retreated to my red, white, and blue "Diamond Dave" couch and sulked. Booze and pills only drove me deeper into despair. Then I found SL. The abundance of long, shaggy, prim men's hair, skins glistening with oil, and spandex in an endless array of enticing colors and patterns reawakened my inner Dave. Now, I'm living the cartoon dream. I'm even looking to get the band back together in pixel form. And we would be too, if Eddie wasn't such an arse and was incapable of understanding that I'm so much better as the face of the band than the drug-addled brother act and that fat hillbilly bassist.
ONE THING IN YOUR INVENTORY THAT YOU WOULD BE THE MOST DEVASTATED TO LOSE?
My collection of Xcite penises. Because nothing says intimate romance and drives the ladies wild like a talking dong.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LOCATION IN SL? The adult furry sims. I originally got into SL after reading it mentioned in a personal ad in the back of Furry Times magazine. I'm grateful for how SL has provided a loving community where adults in animal costumes can get it on 24/7. If SL could replicate the sweaty, musty aroma and scratchy feel of a RL Furry costume (not to mention the matted fur texture of a properly broken-in costume), I'd be in heaven.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE THE OUTSIDE WORLD TO KNOW ABOUT SL? That Diamond Dave is here and that he's always ready for action. I don't discriminate on the basis of race, creed, color, gender, age, sexual orientation, disability, height, fetish, or genitalia size. I'm an equal opportunity cartoon of desire. That said, I detest the French. I even hate French Canadians. So if you're French, or even have a French sounding name, stay the hell away.
WHAT ONE THING ABOUT SECOND LIFE WOULD YOU CHANGE IF YOU COULD? I wish more people were into adult furry sims. Sometimes I hang out all day waiting and nothing. Things always pick up when it hits prime time in Germany. But there should be more English speaking people in the US who are into that. Preferably ones who live near me and have cars.
I also stand around at Franks Place, because I feel most comfortable surrounded by desperate, middle aged women in enormous ball gowns.
DO YOU HAVE AN SL PARTNER? IF SO, TELL US A LITTLE ABOUT HIM/HER. I am partnered with the famous writer, Tess Mullery, author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to How Not to be a Complete SLidiot. It's a book that aims (primarily) to help SL women by helping SL men not be such complete SLidiots when they try to pick up women. I fell for her because of her conservative, small town, family values, her deeply held faith, and the fact that she can suck a kickball through a garden hose.
WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO SEE IN FUTURE SL UPGRADES? I would like to see Xcite develop a line of talking bodily fluids to complement their talking genitalia.
WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE PERSON (NON-PARTNER) IN SL, AND WHY? Jesus. Because he's Jesus.
DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE LINDEN? IF SO, WHO AND WHY? OlDirtyBastard Linden. Because he can bring it.
PIE OR CHEESE, AND WHY? Pie. Because there are many alluring innuendos that involve the word "pie" and almost none in which the word "cheese" produces a make-me-happy kind of image. Unless you're into that sort of thing. Which I am not.
